When the Man comes around

And there he was, standing in front of the Man, facing his life, facing his fate. It wasn’t like they usually said it is: the light, the smoke, the tunnel, the virgins, the nice shiny day in the beautiful park with some relaxing music by the greatest composers playing in the background. Everything seemed too casual for the afterlife or whatever that place is called in between where you yet to be decided by God to put your sorry ass into for eternity. It did seem a very bizarre experience when Bob was standing there facing the Man.

“What’s your name?” the Man asked.
“Bob. My name is Bob Cooper, Sir.”

Bob answered with a questioning look on his face. Bob was 53 years old, alcoholic, and a selfish asshole. He had a family, a wife and two kids, daughters. Bob liked to watch sports on TV, drinking beer, vodka, whiskey, and pretty much anything that would give him a buzz. He worked for the union, a construction company, all his life, and he drank and smoked for about as long as he could remember himself. Bob grew up in a typical middle-class family in rural Pennsylvania, to the parents of a school teacher and an engineer. Bob left his home at 19 and started to live his own life because he wanted to make his own money and be his own boss in life. Bob was an asshole all his life. Even he was surprised how in the world he managed to get married and have children and remain in a marriage as long as he had. Bob never paid too much respect or spent too much time with his family. He was providing, and he was drinking all the fucking time. Nothing else mattered besides the booze, his friends, sports, and his union job.

Bob’s drinking affected his looks and health, but he didn’t care too much about it. He looked much older when he actually was. He had a heavily featured swollen face; his skin was wrinkled and old. He chain-smoked and drank something all the time. Even on his job, he was trying to slip some whiskey into his coffee. Drinking was affecting his mood and his behavior severely. He was rude and disrespectful to other people, and he was rude and disrespectful to his wife and kids.

Bob had two kids, two gorgeous girls who were always ashamed of their father. If Bob was sober more often, he would be ashamed of himself also. When drunk, Bob was becoming a religious fanatic and was praying aloud all the time. He would go around and preach to everyone. He would be talking about God and how he was a special person to be here on Earth, suffering for everybody’s sins. When he sobered up, he was not talking about God so much; however, he felt like he had to become a priest instead of becoming a nobody somewhere deep in his mind.

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Poem: A glass full of wine

Like a glass full of wine
Overflowed,
And the wine keeps pouring.
And the glass drowns in it.
And the wine never ends.
And the emotions are so raw.
And fresh and clean and
Fucking beautiful
And Brahms is playing the
Violin Concerto in D Major
And nothing else matters,
Any more, any less,
Live goes on as it should
And we should move on,
Somewhere else,
Remember that Brahms concerto
And the good wine
And all the good times
And the warm sun
On the nice bright day
When we were young and
We didn’t give a fuck
And we were so innocent and true,
Just like that violin Concerto in D Major.

The saddest day

I am still wondering six years later, how in the world this could ever happen? Why? I refused to believe it for so long. I could never imagine that the person with so much life and energy could be gone so quickly and so suddenly. It crushed me. I remember that morning as I woke up and I checked my phone, and multiple messages were saying, “have you heard?” I haven’t yet. I am 7 hours behind that part of the world; I was peacefully asleep as the planet changed its course. It was impossible. The impossible happened. Damn. Was it just the dream? Is it just a car accident? Maybe he’s still alive? Maybe he will recover? Why in the fuck did this ever happen? The saddest day in my life was emerging on the early morning of February second of 2015. It has been a grey, cold, nasty, and brutal morning. I still remember that day as it happened yesterday when my hero died.

There are people that once you’ve met them, your life changed its course immediately. There are people larger than life. He was a person like that. He meant life to so many, and he was more alive than anybody I knew. He showed how to live and how to live properly for so many. He helped people to live their lives and be happy and be thankful for the little things. He radiated life energy, positivity, optimism, a bundle of great emotions, and a willingness to live, to live forever. His music was with me throughout my entire life. I was growing up listening to his music and watching him on TV as a kid. Later, as I grew up, I had a chance to meet him personally, and I was just fascinated. His energy consumed me and made me feel different, gave me the boost that I needed to feel life, to feel alive, and have something to be proud of in every breath. I felt that life was great again and worth living, and there were so many beautiful things in life that somehow I haven’t noticed before. Nobody ever has me felt this before or after.

That morning I was about to start a new chapter of my life. My lifestyle was about to change due to restructuring at work. I had a chance to come to work earlier and leave earlier as well. So my new schedule was 8 am, instead of 9:30 am. That meant that I would wake up at 6 am. I woke before that alarm went off on February second. Checking my phone for the time, I’ve noticed all these messages I received overnight. There were some messages from people I haven’t heard in a while; they all said the same thing. My initial reaction was, ok, there was a car accident, he’s probably traumatized, but I couldn’t comprehend that he’s no longer alive. I refused to acknowledge that. I watched the videos sent to me and read the news articles. They didn’t say he’s dead just yet, but about the car accident. Looking at the white Toyota Sequoia wreck after the accident, it looked like it was impossible to survive. It was impossible to imagine it could ever happen. It was just too much to comprehend.

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