I am a happy man. I know I am. Even when things don’t seem to work out to my best, I think I am a happy man. Things were rough lately, but the man isn’t always in control of everything. Things do go out of order occasionally. I stand and smile, looking at the ceiling with my tired eyes. I think this isn’t so bad. Things will get better soon. I know they will.

They say this virus is so bad; they say it is so dangerous and difficult to survive. It is out there and everywhere, and is contagious, and it kills. I am not the healthiest person, and I a vulnerable person; I am afraid of this stuff. I am never leaving my apartment. I am not going out anymore. I find my peace just sitting at home and get buried in my books. Oh, I have so many books! I love my books so much! I love my jazz collection, and I love my classical music collection, and I love to be alone. I love to be with myself and nobody else.

One time, as I opened my doors to take my trash out, and my neighbour walked out at the same time, so I ran back inside. I don’t want to talk to my neighbours. I never have before, and now, it is just too dangerous. I shall be safe and stay inside. I wore a long coat, scrubs over my shoes, a face mask, and the shield over my eyeglasses and the two sets of gloves. My eyeglasses got foggy in a minute, and I could barely see anything, but I have to protect myself. It is too dangerous out there. The virus kills.

I don’t have any friends, and I am not looking to meet any. Not in these crazy times. They say it is so dangerous to be amongst the people. People should stay apart and away from one another. I like that. I never wanted to be amongst other people; I never mixed with them. I have always been an outsider and a loner, and I liked it like that. I don’t need anybody else in my life. I need myself and my books and my jazz music collection. I remember how I always been frustrated with meetings and conversing with other people at the office. Oh, my God. I always wanted to escape and to avoid any contact with anybody. They always talk to me about their lives, their dogs and cats, and kids, and all their problems. How great it is that we all have to work from home and don’t talk or be around one another. I have nothing to talk about with anybody. I don’t want to. My life is quiet. I am different. I am a happy man when I’m alone.

My doctor recently gave me a new prescription, a few more pills to add to my daily diet. My daily routine is simple, but I have to take my medications. Medications keep me alive. They give me a chance. My health is not excellent; I’d rather say my health is weak by I am coming by. I was born like that, I was always a sickly child, and my parents had issues with me all the time, taking me to a hospital or to so many doctors I can’t even count. I miss my parents. Since they both were gone, I am left alone in this old house on the edge of town. I’ve got chubby, I’ve got blood pressure, and my head spins regularly, my eyesight is terrible, and I need to take insulin for my diabetes. There are so many more things I have issues with, but it’s ok. I’m used to it. I never knew another life. I am happy to be here by myself and watch the time go by. I don’t need anybody else. I don’t even want to be healthy. I never was.

I like my office job. I like my routine office job even better now when we have to work from home, and nobody knows when we will be back in the office, back to normal. I don’t want to go back to the office. There was nothing normal there for me. I don’t want to see all those people again. I don’t like people. I know they always talk about me behind my back; they all love to gossip. They never liked me, I never liked them either, and I don’t miss them now. I do receive an occasional email, but nobody ever calls me. That makes me feel great. I get my job done quickly. I want to get by and through another day. I don’t care about the company or my co-workers that much. I care about my books, my jazz music, and myself.

They said in the news that the virus is here to stay, and that won’t be able to go back to their normal lives for a while. I like this life much better than before. I love to be with myself and have no contact with other people. Now I can even order my groceries online, get them delivered, and never worry about stepping my foot inside the store. I love that. I never liked to go to the store. There are always so many people. They all go around, push around, look at me, and everybody is so ignorant and don’t like me as I don’t like them. I always think that they would say something terrible to me, but instead, they always look down or sideways and ignore my presence. I ignore their presence too. But it is hard to ignore me; I am a big fat guy. I take too much of their space. There is nothing I can do about it. This is who I am.

I hate waking up in the morning to start my job. But nobody cares if I am logged in on time. Neither am I. I cannot wait until the day ends so I can log out and enjoy my little life. I make myself a strong black tea with lemon, I put some jazz music on, and I sit on my rocking chair reading another book. This is great. I find my comfort here. I don’t want to be anywhere else. I don’t want to go outside. I wish I can stay here forever. I am where I belong. I am a happy man.