Jack woke up early that morning. He couldn’t sleep. He wasn’t able to fall back to sleep for a while now, but he tried to stay in bed as long as possible. It seemed like the sleep was a long time gone, and all he did in the last two hours was just twisting and turning. He had a bad dream, something weird from the past was going through his mind and his dreams, and he couldn’t lose it. The minute he’d fall asleep, that same weird, strange dream came back to haunt him. It almost felt like watching the same annoying video on Youtube on repeat. At some point, he just gave up. Fuck that, he thought, I guess that is enough of the battle. It is time to wake the fuck up and smell the roses. It is another day, and it is a new day to start things fresh. Maybe it is time to start life fresh?

He went to the bathroom, took a piss, and turned the cold water on to wash his tired face. The cold water felt great. It felt refreshing, even though he still felt the same old tired. He watched his reflection in the mirror and noticed that he is not the same person he thought he was. He noticed that he’s changed. His face changed, his attitude changed, and there was some grey hair sticking out of his temples, letting him know that he’s no longer that young and careless lad, and reminding him that life went on taking its toll on him. Damn, I am getting old, thought Jack, with a bit of sadness. 

Coffee was on his list next. Jack liked a good, freshly brewed black coffee, made in the Moka pot, the way Italians made coffee for decades. The good old coffee tradition that stock with people for years, even today, in these weird fucking days, people are still brewing the same coffee the same way. It felt more authentic to Jack and more pleasurable to brew his coffee himself. Hell, it was so much better then that drip filtered bullshit or anything you can get at those fucking gas stations. The classic music radio played on his smart speaker, and it just felt normal. The only normal thing about his life was coffee and classical music. 

Back in his room Jack sat down on his comfortable chair and meditated. Meditation was another incredible thing that he discovered a few years back, which helped him calm his thunder. Jack was a high-tempered guy, and his mind was racing and racing and driving him insane every day. To sit down for just a few minutes with his eyes closed and do just breathing helped a lot. And that little morning ritual stock with him for a few years now. After meditation, he was just sitting there, staring at the walls drinking his coffee. Should I write something? He thought, I need to write, I need to get that shit out my system. It seems like all those ideas have been piling up in my head and need an escape. There was no particular desire to do anything. Five months into the pandemic and he felt like his soul was slowly rotting. He felt that life in general, with all the excitement, momentum, and inspiration, and fucking everything that made him a great writer, and made him feel alive, everything was gone. 

Jack opened his laptop and created a new document. That was pretty much everything new he did in a while as far as writing goes. He started typing. The words felt down and filled the page quickly. They were not happy words, they were not coherent words, but they were there. They told him all the issues he had and all the feelings he felt. His mind was full of useless shit, and he wasn’t seeing a therapist on a regular or any kind of basis. The writing was great therapy for him. Jack knew it, and that’s why he felt like a human being after even an hour of writing. He’s got two pages out of his system and then stopped. He heard the baby’s cry in the next room, telling him that his baby boy was awake now. Every morning started with the same cry. He would wake up to a baby’s cry often or stop his morning writing or reading ritual. In the last ten months, that was his new life. He no longer lived his well-planned and properly organized personal life as he used to before. He had to change and get used to this life as a parent. Jack was a father, and he loved his family and especially his baby boy. He tried very hard to support them and be there for them.

He moved to a separate room a few months back. There was not enough space for the three of them in one bed. As the boy grew a little and started to move around the bed more, it was time for Jack to get his own coach. On the one hand, sleeping in a separate room gave him more opportunities to sleep better and don’t get interrupted multiple times during the night; on the other, it didn’t matter because the healthy sleep left him a long time ago. Thank God for great Italian coffee. His wife was breastfeeding the baby, and after a short session of feeding, the little guy fell asleep again. It was amazing to see how fast he was growing up. There was almost no change in Jack’s day-to-day, but watching that baby trying to talk or trying to walk, trying to do different things was the only progress and the only happy moments.

He went to the master bedroom to check on the baby and his wife. Everything was ok; it was the usual thing. Baby always woke up more often, every hour, closer to the morning, but then was back asleep after breastfeeding. Sometimes, the babe would wake up in the dead of night, and Jack would have to carry him on his arms, trying to soothe him down to sleep. It could be twenty minutes, or it could be an hour before the baby was back asleep. But those were the good troubles. He accepted it all. He was happy to see his son sleeping cozily in his arms. Jack loved to watch his baby’s little hands and his little face and his little feet. Everything about the baby was so cute and innocent and funny. Parenting was a new thing for both of them, and they did a great job with that. Jack used to freak out a lot before the baby came, but now it wasn’t too bad. It was great. It was the only thing that kept him happy anymore. 

Jack went back to his writing. His writing didn’t come back to him. His creative spirits and his muse left him hanging with no more juice. It was time to wrap it up. Maybe I should read a book or something. There were some thirty minutes before the work began. That fucking job! How much did he hate it?! How much he hated all the madness and chaos that that job put him through?! He didn’t have much choice but to do it for the sake of his family. They needed his support the most. His book wasn’t selling for shit. He forgot about the Uber hustle since the virus went haywire. There was no other way of earning income and getting decent healthcare insurance, which was crucial in these days of virus spiking here and there and killing so many. All those things were like a dark cloud hanging over his head every day. Working from home was not a bad idea. There weren’t too many choices, after all. It was what it was, and everybody did the same, and everybody was happy to still have a job. Everyone was enslaved to their jobs, working from home. The home was not that sacred place where you would relax and forget about everything but your family. It was just like another fucking office on your premises.

The pandemic changed the lives of so many people. So many people went broke, homeless, jobless, alcoholic, or just went fucking crazy. All those things that people took for granted every day then, now came back as essential for our lives. People finally appreciated those before pandemic days with all the usual daily routines and interactions. Everything was different now. There were almost no or fewer jobs to go to. One couldn’t meet and talk to people up close. One had to keep the distance. All major establishments were now closed, except for grocery stores and hospitals and gas stations, and you had to bathe in the fucking hand sanitizer every time and wear a mask in all public places. All those things were just against the basic principles of human life, American life, and how people were meant to live. That was the most challenging part to adapt to. But there was not much choice. The virus spread with the speed of light, fast and surprisingly invincible, not as dangerous to most people, but to those who were already older and sick with the compromised immune system, but still, it was around, it was in the fucking air.

Jack held a corporate position at the major US bank, and luckily his job allowed him to work from home since it was a technical job and could be done on a personal computer. All you needed now was your laptop and smartphone to do your job. He liked that job in the beginning, and he was good at it. But since the lockdown, everything and everybody went fucking crazy. His job became a burden, which he couldn’t escape or manage or control anymore. He went with all the madness, trying to stay afloat. It was hard. Working from home now became a fucking curse. You couldn’t just leave your job and return to your family life. Your fucking job was always there; it was always more of it; there was always another fucking problem to deal with every day. As the days went by, it was more and more impossible to keep up with the demands. Nine to five was not enough anymore. Jack stayed after hours and into the midnight or sometime past midnight to catch up with everything. This fucking thing should slow down at some point. It couldn’t go like that all the time, he thought. But there was no end to it. 

Working late into the night didn’t give him much of a chance to wake early in the morning like he always did before. He’d wake up at the crack of dawn and exercise and work on his writing and then drive to work. It was this life dynamics, his daily routine that was missing now. These were the very few things that Jack enjoyed doing regularly. These things helped him deal with life, helped him stay productive, healthy, and fulfilled, and allowed him to be with himself and think a lot about everything. Now it was all gone. The pandemic and the lockdown took that livelihood away from him. He felt more miserable because of that fact, and now that he was spending all of his time at home and most of his time working at home, he didn’t have much opportunity or time to either work out or to write. Plus, there was a baby that needed his time and attention. When all those things came in together, it became harder and harder to keep up. It was depressing. Jack was never as depressed and overwhelmed as he was now. These were some crazy fucking times, and the worst thing was that nobody could figure out what the near future holds.

Jack had a meeting at nine in the morning. It was a Zoom meeting. Everything was now a Zoom meeting nowadays. He never liked meetings the first thing in the morning which he despised in the first place. It went for an hour, and then it ended. Nothing was exciting or essential for him in that meeting, but he had to be there. There is nothing to do or talk about in most of those meetings. The majority of the meetings are usually a waste of time, most of the time. There were a few calls with his manager and other co-workers. Everybody needed something from him. Majority of his work-time he spent helping other people solve their problems. There was no time to be spent on his shit, that’s why he often stayed until late at night, so he could work on things that he would get credit for.

Everybody was saying that you are lucky to have a job. Jack wasn’t lucky to have a job. He worked his ass off for this job since day one, that’s why he still had it. Secondly, the experience learned on the job in the last two years came in handy now when the company was going through some technical upgrades, Jack’s experience was an essential part of it. All of a sudden, he was on the podium as the main person, the engine behind this significant technological upgrade. He was known around; he had a reputation, he had a great team he worked with, and there was a substantial bonus paycheck on the horizon at the end of the year for all those significant accomplishments. Something was missing, however. Life was missing because there was way too much work to do. There were way too many work-related issues, obstacles, and other shit that was always in the way of accomplishing anything. That drove him crazy all the time. That’s why he hated working for an organization with such complicated and annoying bureaucracy. At times, Jack felt a bit jealous of the people who were on unemployment, collecting paychecks with the government’s pandemic aid, enjoying their lives, mainly not thinking about going or doing the work every day. It was what it was. Jack needed security. There was a family to feed; there was a baby to take care of. 

There was a phone call.

“Hi, Jack. How is it going?” The voice of his manager said on the other line.

“Hi George, all good. How have you been?” Asked Jack, with no particular interest. He knew that he wasn’t calling to find that out. There was a new request coming his way.

“Hey, I wanted to see if you can run this report for me, which I need by the end of the day? I will send you an email with all the details. Let me know if you have any questions.”

“Sure,” said Jack. Like I have a fucking choice, he thought to himself.

“Ok, thank you, Jack. Also, just to remind you that I am still waiting on the slides from you, I told you yesterday about it. I hope they are coming along as well.”

“Yes, they are. I will send everything out to you by the end of the day today.” Jack completely forgot about those fucking slides. Fuck, I need to do that too now. Shit. This bullshit just never ends.

“Thank you, Jack. I’ll talk to you later,” said his manager.

“Talk to you later,” said Jack, getting even more depressed than he has been.

Every day, Jack just shut his computer down and went to the kitchen to get his lunch at twelve to one. Jack always ate breakfast for lunch because he never ate anything in the morning. As usual, his breakfast was the same thing he ate for years or was trying to eat every morning, whenever he was at home: two eggs, a toast, and a bunch of fresh-cut vegetables with a cup of coffee. The breakfast of the champion! Lunchtime was also an opportunity to check on his baby and play unless the baby was asleep. The baby had a different schedule every day, and it was hard to keep up with that. Jack’s wife was a full-time mom now; she took care of all baby things, but Jack was helping as much, and as often as he could. He loved his baby boy. He was the only person that made him happy during these challenging and depressing times. Everything happened at the right time, he always thought. Before, he was worried about how in the world could he be a great father? Now, he was a great father, especially during the lockdown; he spent all his time with his family at home, even if most of that time was still dedicated to his job. He played with his son at noon for a few minutes, then around six o’clock, they all got outside and took the baby with a stroller to go around the neighborhood, get some air, get some sunshine, and get the hell out of the house. 

The afternoon brought nothing good. All the same bullshit. Even more of the same bullshit. There was no end to it, and Jack was trying to keep his shit together. He knew that he would stick around after hours to complete all his assignments before the next day. The next day usually brought more of the new shit to worry about. There were some more meetings and phone calls and Zoom calls with various people. Around six o’clock, Jack switched his status to “Offline” and went out to the living room where his wife and the baby were playing.

“Hey family, how are you?” You guys want to go out for a little walk?” He asked his wife while picking his son up from the floor mat.

“Sure, let me dress him up, and let’s go. The weather is nice today.”

“I know, and I am missing all the sunlight in the day. There is always so much work to do.”

“You work too hard, honey. Just sign off, and let’s spend some time together?”

“Easier said than done. If I don’t take care of that shit now, tomorrow it will be more of it. It just keeps on accumulating, just like these virus cases. The fucking work spreads like a virus.” He was trying to joke, but it sounded more like a bitter statement.

“I hear you, honey. It’s alright. It will get better, hopefully.”

“I hope so too. This busyness drives me crazy.”

Jack’s neighborhood was a heavy blue-color, immigrant infused place. Nothing was exciting outdoors. Sadly, all those gray apartments and duplex buildings were embedded in this neighborhood, holding all those poor people inside, collecting monthly rent from them, and hoping they would stay as long as possible, hoping they would pay their monthly rent on time. It was sad to walk around and see all those people, their cars, their yards, and all that shit they had lying around. The garbage wasn’t collected last week, so it was everywhere now. Hardly a fresh air to breath. Fuck this place, Jack though, we will move out of here as soon as possible. The housing market wasn’t bad, but there was so much uncertainty about the future. Jack lost all hopes for the future. He was making money now, luckily, but for how long can this last? How long before he will be shown the doors? How long can he keep up with the demands and requirements and all that shit that they have him doing? His wife couldn’t work now; it was not even a question to keep his son at home as long as possible, or at least until that fucking virus thing gets figured out. That was a new life.

“Man, it feels great to be outside.” Said Jack with a deep sight, pushing a stroller.

“Yes, it is,” responded his wife walking next to him.

“Even in this shithole, it feels great to be outside. Just walking around, looking at the sky, getting some sun on my skin, and not thinking about work feels fucking awesome.”

“Hey, did I tell you, Nicholas has a new tooth showing up?” She sounded so excited.

“Oh, great! Wow, this baby grows so fast I can hardly keep up. Soon he will be going to school. Can you even imagine that?”

“Yeah, that is true. Kids do grow up fast. We became old, sadly.”

“That’s life, that’s how it is. How it is supposed to be, I guess.”

They did a few circles around the neighborhood and went back home. The baby had to eat and go for a nap. 

Jack ate his supper and returned to work. Around ten, they bathed the baby, and it was time to go to sleep. It was the challenge of the day because the baby always refused to be put to bed. It took an hour on average to finally get that baby to sleep. Around twelve, Jack finished work and went back to the living room. Toys were randomly scattered on the ground; there was a pile of baby clothes right out of the laundry and needed to be ironed. In the kitchen, a pile of dirty dishes was stacked in the sink and all around the countertop. There was still a lot of work to do before going to bed. Jack cleaned up the toys and ironed the clothes. His wife showed up from the bedroom, all sleepy and tired.

“He’s finally asleep. Oh, this baby is so not a sleeper I almost gave up.” Said she.

“Yeah, it is amazing how he always refuses to sleep, but then he is asleep, it is the most peaceful moment of his and our lives.” Said Jack washing the dishes.

“I am going to take a shower and go to bed. Are you going to be ok cleaning all this mess?”

“Yeah, I got it, don’t worry about it.” Said Jack and continued. His wife did so much for their baby, and now it was even more troublesome. Jack loved his wife and his baby boy. He was going to do anything for them.

In about an hour, Jack finished washing dishes. The podcast was playing in his AirPods as Jack thought about what he would do next. Jack was tired and exhausted and needed to relax. It was only Tuesday, and he was already fucking ready for the weekend. He’s got the bottle of Jameson and poured himself some over the ice cubes. The ice cubes slowly melted under the warmth of the whiskey. Jack smelled the glass inhaling the great aroma coming out of it. He sipped some relaxing in the comfortable chair, looking at the ceiling. Damn, it feels fucking great to finally relax. Four more days and the weekend will be here. There was so much fucking work to do, and everything just had to happen simultaneously. His life felt overwhelming. 

The job, the family, the baby, the house, the future. What about the future? He did not see any of it. It was hard to imagine what it will bring. Everything seemed to be dark and grey and muddy. It could be the depression talking. He needed more rest and more sleep. The whiskey went down nice and easy. It gave Jack a little extra energy to go to the shower. He took the hot shower and went back to bed. His wife and his son were soundly asleep in the other room. He was right there, in the next room on his couch. Jack put on the night jazz station with a sleep timer for thirty minutes and closed his eyes. He was happy to have his family close to him. He was happy to have them healthy and safe. He was trying hard to support them. He was doing a great job. Hopefully, the pandemic will pass soon, and they could enjoy more of their lives and do more exciting things than they can do now. Maybe they will be able to go on that Florida vacation next Spring? Hopefully. He fell asleep. There were no dreams that night, just the quiet and comfortable darkness. 

It was the sixth month of the pandemic, and everybody was tired of it. The new life was no fun. The old life will more likely never come back. Nobody knows. People change as their mind, and their behaviors, and their priorities change. Everybody knew what they wanted, what they’ve been missing. Everybody appreciates life more now, and all the little things that we always took for granted.