My current situation and some deep ‘philosophical’ thoughts 

Sometimes you might find yourself thinking about something that you believe you are an expert of. Like myself, I am deep into my thoughts and they come to me one after another just like glasses of wine I am drinking, one after another, after another; and so into the night and so into my life. People are funny, thinking that they know everything. They like to share their bullshit with you, trying to convince you that whatever they say is the holy truth, the only right way. Usually, I just nod agreeably hoping to get the fuck out of there asap; to escape, avoid the entire situation, avoid everyone, abandon the human race. Sometimes you may feel like you just stuck there and you have to listen to their bullshit which is just simply driving you fucking insane. Why do I always have to be in those stupid situations, talking to the people I hate on topics I don’t give a shit about? Fuck all that, I think I don’t have to suffer anymore. Let somebody else waste their lives on that random bullshit. I am out. I don’t have a fucking minute to waste on any of your stupid problems. I just don’t care. 

I am thinking a lot about my future. What is it out there for me? What the hell will I be doing a year from now, two years from now, five… Who knows? Nobody. But we all live and hope for ‘the Best’ and ‘the Best’ is always fucking busy somewhere else but just never by me. Sounds familiar? Ok, good. We are on the same page then. All my life I have been waiting for a miracle, like something unusual might happened to me because I am a special person, the selected one, the fucking best person in the world. But nothing extraordinary did ever happened. It’s been a rough ride for most of my life. Nothing was easy, nothing was free. There was no accidental lottery winning, no credible person solving all of my problems, no lucky charms, no good karma, and not even a bad one. Always with my back up against the wall, I often think, am I on the right path? Am I doing the right thing? Where in the hell will I be if I continue to go this way or that way or if I just remain standing here waiting? What is this all about? Am I somewhere near the place I wanted to be? I do believe though, that some of these questions will find their answers years from now, eventually. But now I will remain here in the dark, questioning and figuring shit out just like a real man should do.