Turning 35

Today I have turned 35 years old. I am halfway there, as they say. If I somehow reach 65-70, I will be retired. An old, rusty, angry retired asshole. 35 doesn’t seem as old as I would think when I was younger. I am certainly not a fucking teenager anymore, but I am young at heart, and I kept myself pretty damn well. Honestly, I feel much fucking better physically and mentally than I did at 25. Fuck 25 and 20, anything. That was the most confusing, weird, challenging, and one hell-on-a-bender experience I assume most youngsters have to go through. I am glad I lived through that shit and didn’t have to worry about it anymore. At 35, life just begins. I am now starting to think straight, getting shit done, reaching new levels, and securing a decent life for my family and me. There is a bunch of shit I’ve learned over the years, and that is what I want to share with you. I’d like to look back at these 35 pearls of wisdom and see if any of them hold up to my older age. Who knows.

  1. There is no time like the present. As cliche as it sounds, it is fucking true. Do not wait for fucking anything or anybody. Do it now. If you fail, fuck it. At least you’ll know. If you succeed. Great, well done, motherfucker.
  2. Time is the most valuable asset anyone has. Time flies; the older you become, the faster the time goes. Wasting time means wasting your life. Do not spend your time on stupid shit. Today you’re a child; tomorrow, you are on your deathbed. Think about all the time you had in life and what you did with it. Do you have any regrets?
  3. Always rely on yourself and your own abilities, no matter what. It is great if there is someone to give you a hand. This point might not be much required for you then. But in most cases, if you learn to be independent and rely on yourself, you will be better off.
  4. True friends are always with you in the worst situations. There will always be too many people to have fun with, but there will be very few or just one who will stick with you and be around and sacrifice anything to help you out. That is a true friend. Others should not be invited to any of your BBQs.
  5. Always be in great physical shape. Workouts are not just to slim down or become the next greatest fucking bodybuilder. Exercises train your body, discipline your mind, and make the real fucking man out of you.
  6. Sleep is essential. Do not fuck up your sleep schedule for anything. It is as important as your overall health. If you are sleep deprived, you are fucked, nothing feels great, life is shit, and your health will decline. It is just not worth it.
  7. Intermittent fasting should be part of the daily ritual. There is more science to that than just simply losing weight. Intermittent fasting will help burn extra fat, clear your bloodstream, clear and sharpen your mind, give you more energy, and lower your fucking sugar, cholesterol, and all other shit roaming in your body, making you feel like shit.
  8. Marry the right woman. Anything else before or after this point will be accomplished if you have the right woman to share your life with. The right woman is not the one that has the most enormous boobs or won the beauty contest. The right woman is the one that will let you be you, a better you than you have ever been.
  9. There is no more extensive and stronger love you can experience than the love towards your child. You can love your mother a lot. You can love your wife or girlfriend a lot, but when you become a parent, your love for your child will overwhelm you unless you’re a fucking robot.
  10. Always learn from your mistakes and others. Analyze your life, decisions, and misbehavior, and fix that shit moving forward. Nobody’s perfect, but the less dumb shit you’d do, the better your life will become.
  11. Being a parent is fucking cool. People who never became a parent will not understand. There is nothing to be afraid of for people who are not yet parents. You will enter a new level of your life. And it will be a better life. A life worth living and struggling for.
  12. If you want to have a great time, you have to have a great watch. Be a true gentleman and always wear a decent quality watch on your wrist. I don’t mean the expensive thousands-dollar brand, just a good mechanical, automatic, or even quartz watch. Yes, you have your phone with you all the time, and you have your fucking Apple watch or some other shit. Wear something with a soul in it, some mechanics that help you go through your life and show you the good and tough times. There is no better sound than the ticking of a watch mechanism.
  13. Clean your room, clean your house, clean your desk, clean your life. This will help you to get organized and know where your shit is at all times. Also, you will look like a professional and a responsible person instead of a constantly distracted asshole who spends half a day trying to find his socks.
  14. Read books, always. Books are the best friends, the best companions, the best source of knowledge, the best therapy, and the best inspiration. It is always hard to find time, but if you try, you will enjoy every second of reading a great book and always look out and dedicate time to reading.
  15. If the book you are reading sucks, put it away. Not every book should fit your soul and mind at the time, and some might never fit your preferences. There are so many great books to read and discover, so if the one you are reading is not keeping you engaged, fuck it. Pick another one that might open a brand new world for you.
  16. Meditations are essential. There is no more and simpler way to clear up your brain and calm down your horses than as little as five minutes of meditation. Just sit back, close your eyes, and listen to your breath. That’s it. You got it. Do that whenever you feel like you’re about to lose your shit.
  17. Most people are assholes, and you will have to deal with them all your life. That’s it, just remember that.
  18. Never be afraid of asking questions regardless of how stupid they might seem to you. If you don’t ask, you might never know for sure. You might do something stupid. You might make a big mistake. Just ask. What that fuck is wrong with you? Asking cost nothing.
  19. Always be friendly and courageous to other people. Even if people around you are indeed assholes, there are too many of them anyway. Be nice, smile, greet, talk, and acknowledge their presence. They might not be completed morans. You might find a new friend that way.
  20. Always stick for and help those in need, those who are weaker, smaller, older, or unable to help themselves. You might go to heaven for that. Why not pick up somebody else’s slack?
  21. If you don’t like your job, don’t stick around, leave. Fuck those jobs that suck the living soul out of you. There is always another job out there somewhere. You’ll get it. And if that one will not work out for you, you’ll find another one, and another one, until you retire or die before retirement.
  22. Do not buy into the job family bullshit. This is a corporate trick to make you more loyal and stick around, depend on that paycheck, while they fucking you in the ass, taking away your health, your precious time, your sanity, your personal life, and then once you are no longer needed, they’ll fire your ass.
  23. Family should always be first. If you prioritize your job or anything else, chances are high you are an asshole, you will lose your family, and you will never know what it is like to have a great family, to begin with.
  24. Forgive and be forgiven. There is no happy ending in always holding a grudge against anybody. If possible, face that shit straight, face-to-face, figure it out, talk it out. If you are willing to forgive, you will also be forgotten, no matter what you did.
  25. Enjoy every little moment. You cannot live this life twice. You cannot take anything with you once you are gone. Life is tough and unpredictable; what you have right now is not guaranteed tomorrow. You might gain everything in one day or lose everything overnight. Enjoy the little moments and remember how great they are.
  26. Music is fucking great. Great music is even better. Always listen to some great music, whatever your mood is at the time, whatever music genre you prefer, it is all good. Just listen to some beats and sounds and take it fucking easy.
  27. People don’t always say what they mean and don’t always mean what they say. Know how to separate honest talk from bullshit. Learn how to read people, and read between the lines. It is a critical skill that will definitely help you in life, whatever you do.
  28. Sunsets and sunrises are fucking awesome. Try to see as many of them in your life as you can. Whether it is the beginning of the day’s end, the sky turning colors as the sun moves up or down, making a new beginning, or finalizing yet another day, it is so powerful and beautiful to see that missing or ignoring them is stupid. It is also a very inspirational and thought-provoking moment you will never be tired of experiencing.
  29. Enjoy a good whiskey or bourbon with ice like a real man. What can be better than that?
  30. Spend more time at the ocean on the beach. It is always a relaxing and therapeutic experience, and all the bullshit in your life will go the fuck away shortly.
  31. Do not follow the masses. Have your own opinion always. Masses are dumb for the most part, and it is getting old trying to catch up with Joneses. Fuck them all. Live your life.
  32. Always dedicate time to yourself to be alone. If you are not comfortable being alone, you have problems, pal. Everyone has to get away, even a little bit, to be in their own mind and thoughts and recharge before jumping into another social, family, or job chaos.
  33. Politics is shit. Always has been and always will be. There is nobody to trust and nobody to rely on.
  34. Always put yourself in somebody else shoes. Be compassionate. It is easy to see things with your eyes from your perspective, but everyone is different, and if you want to better feel or understand another person, you’ve got to see the world from their standpoint.
  35. Life is too short to wait for retirement. Live now. Enjoy life while it lasts. We all have a one-way ticket and never know when this will end. Fuck it all. It is not all that bad, after all.

No matter how hard your shit is right now, we can be heroes just for one day.

For whom the bell tolls today

War. The most disgusting and terrifying three letters in the English language. The war is here. One of the largest and most terrible wars since WW II is happening today in Ukraine. It is so strange to acknowledge it. I still cannot believe this is real. It seems like 1941 is repeating itself. What the fuck went wrong? How did we get here? The war is not only for Ukraine. This war will determine the destiny of the entire world. The whole civilized world is nervously watching this battle of good and evil and hoping it will end soon. The world is supporting and helping by sending their weapons, aid, money, but they don’t want to physically interfere by sending their troops in. It’s ok, world; Ukrainians got it. They’ll do the job themselves. They are strong. They will win. I believe in Ukrainian people. These are my people.

The talk about the possible russian-Ukrainian war used to be a science fiction kitchen table talk some ten years ago or so. The idea of putin invading Ukraine was floating around for some time. Ukrainians always knew that these neighbors that call themselves brothers are just a bunch of fucking bullies and assholes who cannot wait to dick-punch them in the most unexpected moment. It was always a possibility because of that freak in the Kremlin and his ambitions and dislike of Ukrainians as a nation and culture. Somehow, another nation’s identity is not a consideration for him, but the delusional dreams about reuniting the Soviet territories have been hunting that motherfucker for a while now. Since its independence, Ukraine has never lost its ties with Russia. That fucking older brother was always near and dear, and fucking pressing and bullying and aggravating. And as usual, constantly undermining and disrespecting Ukraine and its people and culture. Hence, their anti-Ukrainian propaganda that worked so damn well made the Ukrainian look incompetent and unable to make any decisions or break free from Russia. They believed that Ukraine couldn’t live without that fucking bullying older brother. Ukrainian always felt different about that. Ukrainians were always to blame for their blunt love for Ukraine. So many racist jokes were created about Russians and Ukrainians laughing at the nature of each culture and the nature of their people.

Today the world changed, and it changed forever. There will be no more jokes about Ukraine. There will be no older bully-brother soon. Nobody will ever confuse the two countries and two nations with one another. Now the whole world can see the difference. Day five of the war ended, and Ukraine has shown great strength. Even these fucking bullies are shocked to see how much more substantial and organized and with a fucking style Ukrainians are killing them on the invaded Ukrainian soil. This so much smaller country with almost un-existing military just some eight years ago is standing strong and tall and is defending its territory so fucking brave that even kids want to join the army to fuck some Russians up. I remember days of not so long past when guys would pay up or make any lame excuse to avoid the military. Joining the army was for those who had nothing better going on. Most kids were too cool to go to the military. It was the thing of the past. The army was something their dad or grandfather did when they were young. Today, we see these huge lines to the military recruiting centers, just like some fucking Black Friday sales lines at the mall. Everyone is there, ready to defend their country because nobody else in their place would. The patriotism is in their minds, it’s in the air, it’s in Ukrainian blood running fast in the tense vanes, pulsing to live, to survive. And they know that they can willingly die defending their country and for the safety of their land and people. It is an outstanding attitude. It is what the world has been lacking for some time now. It is something one must do to prove to be a decent son of their country who will be glorified and respected forever. These people are willing to take the bullet for their country, defending their nation against the enemy. This is the most honorable death one can die. It is still a terrible death but nonetheless. One will become a hero. A hero for their people.

Who would ever think that we, as the world, will ever get here? I did not. I was hoping for a rosy future. I guess I should not be hoping for fucking anything anymore because one never knows what’s gonna happen the next minute. We were almost fucking done with that fucking pandemic. That little fucking omicron was almost going away, and now, who gives a shit anymore? We should know better that there always will be something else to replace the existing problem. The world will never run out of problems. It will run out of peace, fresh air, food, supply chains, russian products, maybe even idiots, but not the fucking problems. Somehow, somewhere, we need to learn to live our lives as best as possible and deal with all that bullshit as best as possible because there is no other life; there is no happy ever after. This is the end after one ride. One-way ticket. No more sequels in this motherfucking life. How we spend our lives will determine who we are as individuals. And what did we do? What did we do to get where we are now, all fucking wondering if there will be another day? This war in Ukraine is not the war in just the Ukraine. It is the big russian Fuck You to the entire civilized world. All of us motherfuckers were dared to step in and help Ukraine to defend itself. And rightfully so. Ukrainians proved everyone’s worries wrong. However, there are consequences. People are dying, neighborhoods and infrastructure are being destroyed, pollution is through the fucking roof, tanks and military equipment are burning on the streets, dead russian soldiers’ bodies scattered on the streets of Ukraine everywhere, whole or in pieces. I haven’t seen too many dead people, but they always gave me chills. This time, looking at the dead enemies, I feel nothing. My love for my country is so big that the anger I feel as a result of invasion is on some fucking highest level. It made me heartless, and all I do is just watch the Ukrainian news. I can only imagine what people feel like out there whose homes were destroyed, whose relatives died, whose cities were fucking destructed, who’s watching it all and living it all and sleeping in the fucking bunkers with their kids and all that trauma! No wonder the lines at the army recruiting centers are so fucking huge.

I remember a quote from my childhood, a true friend will always help you when you are in need. I grew up with many other kids and young adults and people of different nationalities, skin colors, religions, etc. They all, on some level at some point, were called friends. We are still happy to see each other and share a few updates when running into each other somewhere. But that is not true friendship. The true friendship is the thing that happens when you are alone, in pain, in your trouble, in deep shit, and there is a person, a friend with you regardless of their own issues, that person is there for you, even if it’s just to be with you, shoot the shit, drink beer or smoke a cigarette together. A true friend will wake up in the middle of the night to help you out with whatever it is. A true friend is somebody who will always, and no matter what, sacrifice their own livelihood, even sacrifice their own lives to help you out. This true friendship we see amongst Ukrainians right now. Today, people who were traditionally so accustomed to shit on each other or just plain ignoring each other are fighting together against a common enemy. They trust their lives to one another. Many of them might not even know each other at all. But it doesn’t matter. Sometimes the evil had to come down so the people could realize that they need to stay together and help each other and appreciate each other because their lives and the destiny of the entire country will depend on that relationship. In today’s case, the fate of the whole fucking world might be determined in this war. We see who has been supporting Ukraine right away, those who hesitated, and those who turned their backs because of their own insecurities. These are not true friends. We also see the Ukrainian president who used to be telling jokes on the TV just a few years ago who is now together with his people and his country helping and trying to protect his nation and his people. There are no more jokes but the power of soul and mind and the love for your country. That is the bravery that most world leaders could fucking die and never show. The new world history is being written now by Ukrainians at last.

I haven’t visited home in about four years. I haven’t lived at home for the last eighteen years. I call home another country today, but my soul, mind, and brain cells are so fucking Ukrainian. Sitting here and watching TV, a 24/7 live news stream from Ukraine, I am going fucking crazy over this disaster. Feeling like there is something I could or should do, and I am not doing shit. It tears my heart and soul and gets into my poor dumb head. I am thinking more and more about Hemingway, who joined the US army in Italy in 1918, and it wasn’t even his fucking country to help out, and he wasn’t even fighting. He was just an ambulance driver, helping around for Red Cross. But he had that presence of mind and courage that many lacks today. We see many people running away from war, trying to save themselves, and escape. And here is this guy who wants to join the military just for a fucking experience or because he is just ballsie as hell. And he proved some little bravery there as it seems, and he was severely wounded at the battle. That fucking situation gave him an idea and the theme for his upcoming, one of the most famous and the most successful books he ever wrote, “A farewell to arms.” Sometime later in his life, he returned to a battlefield to cover a Spanish Civil war and showed even more balls there. The fucking famous writer who commanded a militia to fight the nazis! What a fucking man all around! I wish I had ten percent of his balls and could do shit like that. As weird as it seems to relieve Hemingway’s youth, this is perfect timing, living through yet another war, not much different from what he went through. There was just recently a young guy who blew himself up at the bridge to prevent Russians from coming through. This is true heroism. There is for you a real-life of “For whom the bell tolls” happening as we speak. History does indeed repeat itself, and those who don’t know it is deemed to repeat it. Aren’t we all? Isn’t that some sort of fucking weird-ass deja vu? It sure seems like it is. And we are living through it, watching the history being made in front of our eyes by some small, unknown, always undermined tiny nation.

I haven’t been that much depressed since ever. It’s day nine as of this writing, and the war is still on, even more, destructive and nastier than ever. Today, March 3rd, the fucking Russian orks fired at one of the largest nuclear plants in Europe, located in Zaporizhaj, Ukraine. What is the fuck is wrong with people? Are they even humans? Who are those dumbfucks, and what brings them here? Is it the paycheck? The army rank? Respect of the ork nation? Stupidity? Fuck if I know? Fuck if they know for sure. These russian fucks might now launch the nuclear missiles, but they might as well blow that fucking nuclear plant up, which could be ten times larger impact than Chornobyl.

Where is God right now? Where are all the saints? Where is anybody who can fuck these fuckers up?!!! I am not superstitious, but certain things are freaking me out more and more. I did notice how time always flew by so fast. They say it’s the world coming to an end. Today, with all that fucking bullshit in the world and Ukraine, it sounds true as never. Fuck. I want to live. I want my son to live. I want my family, friends, and everyone to live, except the orks. They can fucking all die the worst death possible. They deserved it. There should be no mercy for them. Is the end of the world near? Is it coming? If it is, how will I know? What can I do? Can I save the world? Can you? Is there anything anybody can do? Who the fuck knows?

If the world ended today, it would be a shame. It would’ve been a very premature death to all of us, and it would be just like leaving everything up hanging for nobody else? I have been enjoying my life more every day for at least a few years. They have been incredible few years. I have learned a lot, achieved a lot, and improved a lot. Not waking up tomorrow or just disappearing from the face of the Earth would be just fucking sad. It is not the war in Ukraine. It is not just another fucking stupid war. We don’t know the consequences, but we can see that everything is batshit fucked up. If the world ends today or in any very recent future, it will just make everything, my life, your life so fucking dull and meaningless. Why have we even lived, to begin with? What are the purpose and the goal here? And is life only about suffering, stress, depression, and anxiety? Why can’t we all just live together well and be happy? This is a billion-dollar question right now.

I have seen so many war videos in real-time that I think I am there. I am part of this war somehow. Burning tanks, dead people all over on the ground, dead soldiers’ body parts scattered around the neighborhoods, and destroyed infrastructure, houses, hospitals, and everything. Everything looks like a fucking apocalypse there. I think about it too much. I cannot stop watching or listening to the news; I am so depressed I cannot even enjoy anything anymore. Fuck. Fucking russian FUCK! Who gave you permission to fuck with people’s lives like that? What is your fucking end game anyway? Do you really think anybody would fucking respect you afterward? All major businesses worldwide cut russians out of their relationships and their wealthiest people. There is no future. There will be no light. There will be no tomorrow. You will not bring the soviet union back again anymore. It is not possible. Nobody gives a shit about this anymore. The world has moved on, and so should you, you dickless sick in your head FUCK!

I wish the war to end. I wish for a victory for Ukraine. I wish for the death of the enemies of the modern world. I hope we will spend some more time here on this planet. I wish we could but not the orks. Orks must fucking get extinct The Mordor must die. I wish the world would be more intelligent. I wish the world have learned something from past mistakes. We all should give the peace a change right after destroying the evil. To quote the soldier from the Snake island – “russian warship, go fuck yourself!” who responded to an approaching russian ship telling them to surrender. This clip is hilarious but it shows the attitude and the great spirit of the Ukrainian people right now. Ukraine will win. Ukraine will be forever. Slava Ukraini! Gerojam slava!

Poem: People like islands

It’s ok to be alone and not to ask questions.
Sometimes the most important
Things are left unspoken.
We all know what it is, but we don’t say it aloud.
People are like islands; they all have so much in common
But they are much different on the inside
And there is all this water between them
That it takes a boat to go from one place to the other.
Sometimes it takes a lifetime to arrive
Where you wanted.
And it takes forever to reach somebody’s mind or heart
So distant and so foreign and yet so familiar.

People are at their best when they are alone,
Then they put on the mask and walk outside
Hiding their souls and pretending not to be themselves anymore.
It is a hard game to play, and rules change all the time.
We don’t create the rules. Somebody else does. We just follow.
We don’t question. We keep it all inside unanswered and just
Like the bird locked up in the cage, beating up against the walls
Trying to get out, but it’s not possible unless
Somebody let it happen.
The sky is so close but so far away at the same time and
We all can see it, but we cannot touch it.

We can only come closer to it in our dreams.
Dream little people, dream, while the night sleeps
While the day’s done, until the next time,
Until the next day, when you will hopefully
See the daylight again. You will put your mask on and
Go out there into the world of mystery and questions,
And into the unspoken thoughts and dreams,
Trying to survive again, trying to reach the sky,
While drowning in the waters of everyday life,
More and more, deeper and deeper
Until there is nothing else to do
But to get to the bottom at peace
With peace of your mind.

Poem: War

People are very good
At destroying
Everything that was built
Before them
For them
By them.
There is no remorse
There is just a passion
Of destruction
That rules their minds
That rules the world.
Lives don’t matter
People don’t matter
Nothing matters
As much as destruction
Of it all
Slowly
Passionately
Deliberately
Preaching the choir
Shaking hands with the devil
Following orders
Like sheep
Following idiots
Who said something
To help ruin
Everything
In the name of war
Promoting the peace
Promoting a better life.
For who?

Poem: Pandemic


The times are changing  
Our lives are changing  
Our usual day-to-day is not  
What is has been anymore.   
The thoughts about what can go wrong,  
When life is so good, they are now in the past.  
Have changed to thoughts like  
How will we survive? How we can make sure  
Do we have enough of everything to carry on?  
The virus is spreading like the early Spring’s warm breeze  
And it is blooming at the same time  
The first flowers on the trees are blooming  
In the Spring. Death is blooming too.   
The virus is beautiful just like the blossom  
It has these little crowns,  
It is hard to resist, it is everywhere,  
It takes your breath away,  
It is impossible to stop.  
Simple things like enjoying the warm sunny days,  
Like enjoying the blossom blooming,  
Like breathing the air become deadly things,  
Dangerous, contagious. 

We are covering our mouths with masks  
We are covering our hands with gloves,  
We are covering our souls with greed  
We are covering our minds in darkness.  
The strong will survive,  
The smart will survive,  
The careful will survive,  
An idiot will spread it all over  
And give the virus a life, a chance.  
We all need a chance, we all need to live  
We only have one life, and there are no returns,  
No second chances.  
With are fridges filled-up, with our pantries filled-up,  
We sit in our homes, isolated,  
Away from each other,  
Hoping for the best future,  
Hoping it will go away soon.  
Will go to work, those who still have one,  
Will resume our vacation plans,   
Will re-invest our portfolios,  
Will see another day,  
But we all will be different people then.  

Maybe we’ll learn to appreciate the little things  
In life,  
Perhaps we’ll learn to share  
With one another,  
Perhaps we’ll learn to survive  
And to help,  
Perhaps we’ll learn to be mindful,  
And to be human again?