soul-crushing jobs

Rant about jobs

~ John Loraine ~ 12 Comments

Jobs are different kinds. There are full-time jobs, part-time, contract, contract-to-hire, passion projects, soul-crushing jobs, there are self-owned businesses, gig jobs, freelancing, and whatever, you name it. As many as there are problems in our lives, as many there must be jobs because all jobs should help solve the problems we have. We all need jobs. We all should get jobs. We spend our lives working jobs, making careers, busting our balls trying to make it, or making ends meet. We are always told that “It’s good that you have a job”, “It is good to be busy”, “Busy is good, right?” I guess it depends on what you are busy with and how much of it you really care about. Most of the time, we all hate our jobs, but we have our obligations, debt, family, kids, bills, loans, and we work and work and work until we die.

I am one of those “lucky privileged bastards” who finished college, and now I have had quite a few years of professional work experience behind my belt. I am considered middle-class or somewhere near that based on my salary, and I am supposedly the one “who made it.” I came to this country, and I’ve got my education, and I’ve got multiple jobs over time, and now I am who I am, a professional. I followed the traditional path to “normal life” by getting a four-year degree and working my many career jobs so I could be promoted over time and move from one position to a better one. Back in the day, that sounded like a great plan. Back in my early college days, that seemed like it was the only way to “make it.” I didn’t want to work at factories and construction sites all my life like most people that I knew did. I wanted to be in the office, working clean and safe jobs and getting promotions as time goes by. I guess now I’ve got what I wanted. As this became my life now, I started wondering, what the fuck did I really achieve, and why am I so fucking miserable all the time?

There are a shit ton of people out there who, with or without the proper education, made a tremendous success in life, whether it is building a business or creating a new product or service or new app or whatever. Most of them never got a proper education; most of them were college or high-school drop-outs. Most of the people you know or see hitting the road to work every day on the highway, are with an excellent education are just fucking office people who none of us will ever know or hear from or notice them amongst the crowd. They are the masses, the masses who followed the plan. It is not always bad to have a secure job and steady income and keep on “growing” and living a “normal” life. The problem is the cost that you pay for it. It is not the price of your salary. It is never just those fifty or one hundred thousand dollars in school loans that you’ve borrowed because you were led to believe that you are investing in your life, your dream, or your future. Sometimes it is true, but it is so fucking false in most cases. Once I get a decent job, I think that it will take me about a year or two to pay my debt off, and then I will be free and happily living my life in peace and comfort.

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Poem: Living the dream

~ John Loraine ~ 15 Comments

At 30 not working full-time anymore, 
No more jobs, morning commutes, cubicles, 
Useless conversations in the kitchen during lunch breaks, 
No more annoying coworkers, no more boss, no more job security. 

Lost the passion for life and
My path to a professional career. 
Lost the passion for success in life. 
Everything is dark and strange everywhere. 

Drinking my wine, listening to some old records, 
The music by the dead people brings back  
The memories of the life I have never been around for. 
Trying to write my first novel, composing a book of poetry, 
Short stories collection, trying to write something,
Anything. 

I’ve been fired twice this year from my career jobs, 
My shit’s out of luck, my luck is out of shit. 
I don’t know if there is any more sense 
To play the game and feed the system.
Fuck the system I say, fuck the office, the job, 
Security, 401K, the boss, the manager and the rest of it. 

I am tired of trying to become somebody I’d hate. 
I am tired of wasting the best years of my life, my prime time, 
My prime health for a fucking paycheck and recognition. 
I am tired to do things that bore me, do dull things that kill me, 
Things that slowly kill a living soul inside me. 

Bukowski wrote “go all the way” and he did, and he made it. 
I will go all the way and I will try to make it on my own,  
I’ll live for my dream, living the dream. 
Living the life of an artist while others enslave themselves 
Working and slowly dying at these soul-crushing jobs, 
Trying to build a career, save for the retirement,  
Put the kids through college, live by a budget,  
Feed their families, pay off their cars and mortgages. 

When will we have the time to live our lives in peace and harmony? 

I am sitting here in my room, listening to some old jazz music, 
Pouring the wine into my glass until full and  
Waiting for my muse to come…

Poem: Corporate motherfuckers

~ John Loraine ~ 7 Comments

they know how to deal with you 

they know how to use you, 

they know how to eat your soul 

and fuck your brains out, they 

are always looking for something new 

and there is always something else and something’s more, 

and nobody is fucking happy with anything. 

the stock price is your god 

and you are the dog, the slave, the fucked up one 

who thinks to please them will mean 

to be one of them and be better than everybody else. 

they have their own club and the members are just 

like them, you will never be part of them. 

and even in the rare cases, you might have a chance 

they will break your soul and your mind 

just so you can be more like a slave for them. 

you sacrifice the best days of your life 

you run down the precious health you’ve been lucky to have, 

you’ve forgotten what it means to sleep well at night, 

and the fucking coffee means more to you than your blood. 

you sit at your desk numb and cold, 

the air conditioner is freezing you to death. 

you miss all these nice beautiful sunny days, 

the walks in the park, the time with your wife and children. 

you barely have time to spend on the fun stuff,  

all the things you love you will sacrifice for the  

bigger price, for the higher stock price, fuck you and fuck your life. 

the career is what you live for and they know it well and they make you  

feel like there is nothing else so important. 

and what do you get for that instead?  

401K up to 6% matching, 18 PTO days which you are always afraid to take, 

a few general main holidays, and fucking expensive health insurance, 

3% of annual salary increases and if you are lucky enough  

you might get a little promotion.  

corporate motherfuckers are there to kill you and 

destroy you 

and suck all the life out of you. 

be careful what you wish for and what you are sacrificing 

the best moments of your life to, 

i’m sure these fuckers are not worth it.