thoughts

Poem: Cold morning air

~ John Loraine ~ 8 Comments

Cold morning air feels refreshing
Feels like morning, feels like a new day.
It feels like freedom.

You inhale the smoke of a cigarette
And you sip on that morning brew
Like it’s your energy,
It’s your fuel
That will drive you through this day.

The trees stay cold and motionless
And the sun is waking up
Yet again,
Yet again, bringing you another day
To live, to fight, to struggle, to prove
That you can make it.

You are making it alright,
Good things are fucking coming
As they should
After such a prolonged suffering
And chaos and misery.

You’ve got another chance to make things better
You’ll get more of these chances
Hopefully,
As you go through this day and another day,
And another cigarette and coffee
In the morning.

Thoughts come and go, and some stay,
Problems come and go, and some stay.
This is how it is, and it always has been this way.
This is your life and your choice, and your battle.

As the world wakes up to face another life
You wake up to meet your demons,
You trick them sometimes,
Sometimes you struggle, sometimes
They are just another you.
Another side of you.

You know it, and you know it well.
And the cold morning air knows it
As its getting warmer
As the new day unwinds
And brings you this life to
Live again.
Yet one more time.

Poem: My poems – my soul

~ John Loraine ~ 7 Comments

my poems just keep coming 

back to me 

back at me 

like the rain 

like the hurricane 

like the thunder. 

they come in my sleep, 

they come in my car, 

at work, at lunch 

or dinner time 

or anytime I come. 

they boil inside me, 

getting ready for me to  

get them out there 

on the piece of paper. 

give them some life, 

make them real, 

make them alive, 

bring back to life 

just like my thoughts: 

sad,  

funny, 

mean, 

dumb, 

whatever. 

as long as they keep coming 

i feel good, 

i feel great, 

i feel alive. 

even when I don’t feel 

like writing 

i always have my poems. 

they will never leave me alone, 

even tonight, 

the deep and dark and drunken night, 

rain or snow or cigarette smoke all over. 

my poems are my soul, they keep me going 

even after rough days like this 

when I am so fucking tired, 

i need some wine and poetry 

to save me. 

My shit’s out of luck or the stories of my life. Part I

~ John Loraine ~ 9 Comments

My current situation and some deep ‘philosophical’ thoughts 

Sometimes you might find yourself thinking about something that you believe you are an expert of. Like myself, I am deep into my thoughts and they come to me one after another just like glasses of wine I am drinking, one after another, after another; and so into the night and so into my life. People are funny, thinking that they know everything. They like to share their bullshit with you, trying to convince you that whatever they say is the holy truth, the only right way. Usually, I just nod agreeably hoping to get the fuck out of there asap; to escape, avoid the entire situation, avoid everyone, abandon the human race. Sometimes you may feel like you just stuck there and you have to listen to their bullshit which is just simply driving you fucking insane. Why do I always have to be in those stupid situations, talking to the people I hate on topics I don’t give a shit about? Fuck all that, I think I don’t have to suffer anymore. Let somebody else waste their lives on that random bullshit. I am out. I don’t have a fucking minute to waste on any of your stupid problems. I just don’t care. 

I am thinking a lot about my future. What is it out there for me? What the hell will I be doing a year from now, two years from now, five… Who knows? Nobody. But we all live and hope for ‘the Best’ and ‘the Best’ is always fucking busy somewhere else but just never by me. Sounds familiar? Ok, good. We are on the same page then. All my life I have been waiting for a miracle, like something unusual might happened to me because I am a special person, the selected one, the fucking best person in the world. But nothing extraordinary did ever happened. It’s been a rough ride for most of my life. Nothing was easy, nothing was free. There was no accidental lottery winning, no credible person solving all of my problems, no lucky charms, no good karma, and not even a bad one. Always with my back up against the wall, I often think, am I on the right path? Am I doing the right thing? Where in the hell will I be if I continue to go this way or that way or if I just remain standing here waiting? What is this all about? Am I somewhere near the place I wanted to be? I do believe though, that some of these questions will find their answers years from now, eventually. But now I will remain here in the dark, questioning and figuring shit out just like a real man should do.  

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