“Where I am coming from, man, Alabama, they are all just down-to-earth good people. My family lived there the entire life. We have nine people in the family: grandfather, grandmother, my parents, and five kids. Three sons and two daughters. I am the youngest son. My grandmother was the first great school teacher in my little town. My father worked at the factory his entire life, providing for the family. My grandparents took care of my parents, and my parents took good care of my siblings. They all are becoming somebody, you know? We are all well-educated and well-behaved, and everybody has become somebody in their lives. Here in Philadelphia, everybody is different. People are coming here from around the States. And he, he is doing things like that, you know? Do you see what he’s doing? But, you know what, I don’t care what kind of rich mothafucka are you, but if you ain’t shit – I ain’t fucking with you, you know?”
“That’s right, man. I totally agree.” Said another black man from the back seat.
James was a black man, well-dressed, soft-spoken, and well mannered. He wore a suit with a vest, black-framed eyeglasses, and a hat. Nobody dresses like that on a Saturday night in Philadelphia. He and his friend got into my car, having a little chat about life and family and who is who. Seeing two black men from the country’s deep south on the East Coast was exciting and somewhat unusual. However, they both were well-mannered and spoke softly, and were very interested and involved in their conversation. I wasn’t involved as I tried not to be involved in anything, but I’ve always overheard other’s conversations intentionally or not. Most things didn’t matter to me or anybody, but it helped to pass the time, and it was always excellent material for the stories I wrote.
There were tons of these weird and exciting and just random stories I’ve heard, but only so few of them survived in my sleep-deprived and always over-tired head. I always try to pay attention to different and interesting people, especially if they came here from “God-knows-where.” I lived in Philly for the last fifteen years at the time, but I think I’ve spent my entire young adult life here, from my teens to my early thirties. I feel like a local even though I am an immigrant. However, for those newcomers and one-time visitors to Philadelphia, I am a local expert. I should know anything and everything. I am their fucking Google Maps, restaurant and bar guide, Yelp, city guide, mother and father for some, as well as somebody willing to listen to anything with no objections. My passengers asked me all kinds of questions, and they honestly believed anything I said, even if I was talking out of my ass. I do try, though, to give people my best response to my best knowledge. At the end of the day, I am a regular human being. I am trying to make it in this world of fuckery and inequality where you have to be a tough mothafucka if you want to survive. And I always wanted to survive.
The good thing about this job was that I got to meet all kinds of people from all walks of life and be part of their lives, even if it was just for a few minutes, while I was driving them around the block. Interestingly enough, the people you have in the car now you will never see in your life ever again. I have never picked up the same person twice, and even if I did, nobody would remember or recall that. For the most part, I just sit quietly in my front seat behind the wheel after I greet a passenger, and then I just drive listening to my music and the sounds of the City. On multiple occasions, passengers begin a conversation or start asking me questions. Usually, they all ask about the same shit over and over. Once they hear my accent, they ask the same annoying fucking questions again over and over: “Where are you from originally?” “How long have you been here?” “Do you like it here?” “How do you like Uber?” “Do you know any good places to eat in the city?” “What would you recommend to do in the city?” Little do they know that I have no other business or any inside knowledge besides driving in the City. I never go to any restaurants, or bars, any other entertainment establishments for that matter. All I really do is driving around, picking and dropping people off, and watching people walking on the streets, watching the City living its life, and by the end of the day, I go back to where I belong, the North East Philly and my wife.
I don’t mind people ranting and asking dumb questions. I do indeed appreciate the curiosity and an attempt to keep up the conversation going. I don’t like to talk to strangers, but sometimes I have no choice. Randomly, I find myself talking to the weirdest, or I should say “unlikely-to-talk-to” people, and the conversations are really great. Often, I feel like, damn, this ride was too short; I really wanted to talk to this person more. But in most cases, I would just greet people, ask them about how they are doing, and drive on shutting myself the fuck up. The Uber app guides me around, the radio plays some music, and I just follow the navigation, regardless of how shitty it is. The mission is to get a person to the destination safe and happy. And that’s what I do. I safely transport people from point A to point B and smile, thanking them for their ride and business.
This wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I didn’t have too many choices. All my job interviews were very sporadic and with no success. Even when it felt like I would get to another round, I’ve never heard back from a recruiter or HR person. This might sound like nothing, but it really dawns on you mentally and spiritually and makes you feel like the world doesn’t need you anymore; you are a worthless piece of shit, and you can just go fuck yourself. After a handful of these unsuccessful interviews, I felt like, fuck it all. I’ll just drive. I can still pay for my shit and move in my life day by day. The future will show what else is there for me, but and in the meantime, nothing but Uber is available.
There was another request a block away. I’ve changed my music and started another trip. Carolyn needed a ride to the Old City’s bar with her girlfriend, and I was there for them. I gave them a ride, and they thanked me. I’ve heard so many “Thank you’s” during the day that I don’t even pay any attention to those overused mechanical words. Certain people out there would just exit the car shutting the door without saying anything. Then in my head, I go, “Where is my fucking Thank you, asshole?!” Did I do something wrong? Did I ruin your day? I never saw you before, and more than likely, I will never see you ever again in my life, and that is that no exchange of words or pleasantries, just the transaction. What did I really care about as long as I made my required daily trips and made my quota?
There are moments or rather specific patterns during the workdays where you can see clearly that the requests are down to almost nothing, some sort of a die-down. It almost feels like the City has paused for a moment to take another breath, to recharge before the busy night’s adventures. I do feel these no-requests-moments happening at a specific time during certain days. It was a Saturday, the busiest day to drive for Uber. Everybody needs a lift on Saturday, whether you are going home from work, visiting a friend, seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend, going out with your buddies for a drink, or taking your fucking dirty laundry to and from the laundromat. And then, you don’t hear any new requests coming in for one minute, two, three, five, twenty minutes, sometimes an hour. What should I be doing?
On the one hand, I am not making any money. On the other hand, I like these down moments to just be with myself. I drive around, play the music super loud and open the windows to get some fresh air and freedom inside. I pull over to the curb and smoke a cigarette to relax, think and recharge. These are also moments to visit Wawa, go to the bathroom, maybe grab a sandwich and a coffee.
Then I turn my Uber app on again, click “Go Online,” and shortly after, I hear the painfully familiar sound of a new request coming in, and I hit the “Accept,” and there I go again for yet another adventure somewhere in the City. The City of Brotherly Love, my adapted second hometown. The City for the survival of the fittest, for the rich and the poor, for the strong and the weak, along with all those “down to Earth, good people.”
Uber
Spring was still too far away
The weather forecast was terrible for the next couple of days in Philadelphia. Jake knew that if it were snowing heavily, he would be out of work again. He needed to work, and more so, he needed the money. He’s shit was out of luck. His savings disappeared as fast as the new bills came in the mail. He couldn’t get to the city to work. Jake lost his office job for the second time in the last six months, and his bank account was slimming down to the lowest balance in years. Driving for Uber was the only immediate option for him to make some money. His situation was dire. Somebody had to pay the lease on the car as well as a bunch of other bills. There were not too many options for him but to wait. The waiting was hard. Jake had a couple of bottles of red wine on the shelf. He liked to drink red wine, especially when the weather was bad and there was nothing else to do but to drink and hope that everything will be alright. There wasn’t much to do at home while the snowstorm was dumping on the city. His car was too small and useless for driving in this snow. Things were not looking up for anybody.
Jake’s wife had a full-time office job, which she didn’t like. Nobody likes their jobs, but financial stability and job security somehow make it all work. Jake remembered the days when he was supporting the family. He remembered the days when his paycheck was good enough for both of them even before she got her first job. He got used to the steady bi-weekly paychecks, good red wine every evening with dinner or on the weekend, paid healthcare, 401K with contributions, PTO’s, and the rest of the corporate benefits that are supposed to make people happy and satisfied with their jobs. That job security and stability are really making a man too dependent and much weaker. When you are always uncomfortable and struggling, you get to enjoy life’s little moments and appreciate your achievements, work, and career progress. When you are too comfortable in your job, just one thought about the possibility of you getting fired is terrifying. How would you live? What would you do? How will you pay your bills? What’s going to happen to you and your family? After Jake lost his second job that year, these questions were not terrifying anymore. He knew he could make it without a corporate gig. He knew that he needed to hustle all the time to make it. He would be driving for Uber to make enough to cover the bills and put food on the table for him and his wife. There is no more corporate nonsense, no more useless meetings, reports, no presentations, and no more pain in the aching young soul. But that fucking snowstorm for the next two days was screwing his plans. He needed to get a little over $500 to cover his bills in the next few days, and he couldn’t leave the house because of the snowstorm. Jake was becoming desperate. The weather had a different plan. The weather was always fucking things up for him.
Uber Story: Saint Patrick’s Day
I woke up with a little bit of a headache on St. Patrick’s Day morning. I’ve had some wine last night. I was tired of driving 16 hours for Uber and when I came home, I decided to take it easy. My life was not easy then and everything seemed to be working against me. I’ve lost two nice corporate jobs last year and now I’ve been full-time employed, or self-employed, or whatever the fuck you call this, driving for Uber. I’ve become just “a driver who drove random people around the town for a living.” I was also an inspired writer who never fucking had any time to sit down and write anything because all I could think about was how in the fuck am I going to pay my bills this month. Seven years of college and ten years of professional business career experience went to shit and all of a sudden, I was not needed anywhere and starving for money. My shit was out of luck and so was my life.
March 17th, 2017 was a nice, warm, and sunny day. Perfect weather to get shit-faced for a holiday like that. I woke up feeling sick and tired but I had no time or opportunity to recover from the constant sleep deprivation, habitual frustration, anxiety, light obesity, anger management issues, light form of alcoholism, and impulsive smoking. A complete package. Little that I knew what this day will bring to me later on.
The cold water was running down from my faucet into my hands as I was trying to wash away my tired, puffed-up, swollen face. It felt great, very refreshing. I don’t think it was helping my bad life situation and overall sadness but it was something. I brushed my teeth, took a shower, and made my breakfast. The usual routine. Nothing special. I thought about a bottle of cold beer in the fridge but then I thought about the smell of it in the car and the passengers possibly complaining and Uber locking down my account. Fuck that, I thought. That wasn’t an option. But it was a Saturday, a St. Patrick’s Day for fuck’s sake, who would ever complain about the alcohol smell? I couldn’t take any risks. I needed the money. The bills were handing over my head like a ton of bricks waiting until I wasn’t ready and then fall down on my head squashing me and my misery creating just a puddle of shit on the pavement. All I needed was to survive another fucking working day.
My shit’s out of luck. Resolution. Part III.
This is kind of ironic to write this follow up exactly two years after my shit went South. Yeh, it’s been two years already since I was fucked really good by the system. It’s been two years since life had really tried my patience; since gods tested my nerves and everything precious for me at the time was just gone. I do still feel the pain, but it is not what it used to be back then. I am a stronger man now. I don’t give a fuck any longer.
I do like to reflect on my life looking back and analyzing what I have done, what I’ve learned, or what am I supposed to be? Just two years ago I felt like the Earth has moved under my feet; like everything I have been living and striving for all of my life just fucking collapsed. Looking back at those times today it certainly feels different. I have outgrown that. As they like to say “Whatever doesn’t’ kill you will make you stronger.” It did make me a stronger person indeed. I do think though that it is always a good practice to reflect back on the “good old days” and see how can I learn from that. I wouldn’t be a man who I am today if not for all that crap that happened to me in the past.
My shit did have some luck eventually, but it took me a while to get there. I think about life as the picks and valleys. Back then in late 2017 and 2018, there were plenty of fucking valleys in my life. Losing two corporate jobs in one year or to be more precise in just under 5 months. It has been quite a fuck-up on my end. Not everything ever depended on me necessarily. There were other things in the background. There are always other things in the way. I did sign up to be a “normal” part of society and have a real nine-to-five-job and a stable pay and the benefits. I’ve sold my soul, kind of. But, why the fuck not? After all, I have graduated from one of the top Philadelphia’s business schools to get here. I still owe a good chunk of my student loans. Somebody has to pay them off. Somebody has to feed my family, my child, and finance my unknown future.
Back in the day, I thought, I have to get a good education, I have to stay career-inspired, I have to do everything well, I have to do a good job and get recognized. I have to build my fucking career, in order to make a good living for myself and my family. These were the days when carrying a laptop around with you to classes or coffee shops was a strange new thing. These were the days with no smartphones, no apps, no SEO, no bullshit. Kids actually had to study and read the real books and write original essays and all that jazz. Having a good job after graduating from a good school was a sure thing. I could never imagine that with all that technological advancement everything will be shifting and changing so fast, that every day at your own fucking job can be the last one. As soon as all that shit gets automated and optimized for efficiency and cost savings to improve the “bottom line” there will be no need of you, regular working pal, you’re out. Nobody cares about the average man.
Continue readingMy shit’s out of luck or the stories of my life. Part II
Getting Fired
That day was supposed to be just like any other working day. It was last Tuesday of November 2017, the week after Thanksgiving. I came to work, as usual, five minutes before 8:30 AM and walked to my desk. I’ve checked my emails opened my drive, started to look over some files, checked what was left behind from the day before. Everything was just normal. I couldn’t even guess that this would be the day when I will get fired for the second time that year alone.
The sun came out and lit up that usual workday with some sunshine but it has been still pretty damn cold outside. From the inside, though, it seemed like it was warm and nice out there, almost like the Spring came early. During these rare days, you always feel a bit nostalgic and happy and you just want to go outside, leave that fucking desk and that fucking job and enjoy some daylight and enjoy some sunlight and just enjoy the simple moments of your life. I haven’t gone outside until later. I always wait until 12:30 PM sometimes 1 PM before I take my lunch and leave that fucking place for at least one hour to enjoy my lunch in the car. Yes, I ate my lunch in the fucking car, like a true savage I am. That fucking place had millions of dollars in the banks all over this fair country of ours but they didn’t have a simple fucking lunchroom for people to sit down and eat their leftovers at. You had to eat that smelly shit by your desk or take it outside or to your car. I’ve started that job in early August when the weather was still nice and warm. I loved to go outside and eat my lunch by one of the patio tables and enjoying the sun and the wind and the fresh air, and most importantly away from that fucking cubical.
Continue reading